Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
