I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
