god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
