Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
