I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
cat food counts as protein by the way
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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