i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
