I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
