there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And then my night got REAL pukey
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
