White coat. Heels.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
