she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
