So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
