her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize