Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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