He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
