fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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