he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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