somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
