Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
