How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
