i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
