So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
