How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
