I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
