The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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