Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
