the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
They have beer where we have blood.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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