Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
