Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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