She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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