I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
