just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
