apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
