You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
