Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
