That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
