there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
