Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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