I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
