Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
