so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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