Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just made out with a guy for $7.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
