Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
