so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
