Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
