what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
