I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
