if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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