I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
