Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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