I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
