hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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