i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
