You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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