I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
