Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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