And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
