i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
