Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
