she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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