im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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