Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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