My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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