I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
