we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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