it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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