she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
