Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
