I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
