Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I stole a fireplace last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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