Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
