I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
